1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
