i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My life is pants optional.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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