I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
