The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
