hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
