I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
