so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
