My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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