College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
