For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
