If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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