So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if only i could text you this smell
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
