So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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