I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
