Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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