Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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