He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
