Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize