just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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