i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
