Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
