I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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