The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
