We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
