UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
