Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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