I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
