I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
there is glitter all over my balls
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
