Only a mothe r could love this liver
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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