She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
