Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
