HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
