if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Small penises have feelings too.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
