i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
