Swine flu. Run for my life!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
