dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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