It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize