I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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