He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
