those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This baby is an asshole
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
