I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
