I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
