if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
