Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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