I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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