Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
