She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
