Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
