Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
