After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
