I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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