I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
