he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
