The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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