Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
