She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
