That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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