Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
