I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize