Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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