Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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