I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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