I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
