I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
