Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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