i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
