I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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