Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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