so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize