Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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