I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
