Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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