the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
