Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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