A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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