I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
