You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
