So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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